COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS IN RELATIONSHIP
You don’t make any sense!
You’ve changed now!
You don’t listen to me!
You screwed my life!
You’re not mature enough to be in a serious relationship!
I hate it when you act so stupid!!
All these statements are considerably common in any kind of relationship when there are fights. It's solely become ‘you’ who makes mistakes instead of ‘me’. When in rage you end up saying things that you don’t really mean and later you repent saying what you did. And sometimes these fights make relations awkward, unhealthy, insensitive, and distant from one another and we don’t realize that sometimes of many ‘sometimes’ is quite a lot of time.
Relationship issues lead to stresses and strains because of faulty communication or lack of #communication. And therefore, misinformation breeds misunderstandings and tends to create an information vacuum resulting in incompatibility, lack of empathy, disrespect, hatred, irritation, frustration, and many more problems.
All #relationships undergo ups and downs and it takes effort, good communication, understanding, and willingness to make things better in any challenging situation. How will you do that? Try asking the following questions and see if we can get ‘on the same page :
1. What is in our control? What can we change if we decide? The others or ourselves?
A vital question to ponder upon. "Here's the bad news: You actually can't control anything that anybody else does. Nothing. This can be a hard truth to come to terms with, especially if you struggle with wanting to control things," according to relationship coach Pella Weisman. We can’t control anyone’s thoughts, behaviors, or emotions—we’re solely tasked with managing our own, and that’s the ultimate truth.
2. Secondly, do we expect our partners to read our minds without even communicating? And are these expectations realistic?
We often act as if our partners can read our minds, but just because something seems obvious to us doesn't mean it's clear to them at all. Would love to quote a psychologist "Communication is key in any relationship — you are entirely responsible for expressing your thoughts and feelings.” So, let’s not assume things rather communicate clearly to avoid any false assumptions.
3. Next, do we listen when we need to listen, and do we speak when our words really matter? Are we listening to understand or just hearing to respond?
There is no point in talking if no one is listening and, conversely, no point in listening if we are not truly attentive to the other person.
Poor listening skills are the top cause of marriage communication problems. If one of you doesn’t feel heard of, frustration and misunderstandings are sure to follow. We are able to be respectful to others by giving them full attention – actively listening to them. It can really help you to tune into the other person and establish a basis for solid communication.
4. Do you give unnecessary importance to those things that don't really matter and fail to pay attention to the ones that actually matter? Are your priorities clear?
Sometimes it’s tempting to bring up past seemingly related conflicts when dealing with current ones. Unfortunately, this often clouds the issue and makes the whole discussion more taxing and even confusing. So prioritizing trust, respect, good communication, focusing on the present, your feelings, understanding each other, and finding a solution will make things work for long term.
5. When we overreact others might as well give us the reason but is it right on our part to intentionally use those harsh words and hurt them back? And do we apologize for our part?
Always remember the Golden rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It means, don’t treat others badly unless you want the same to happen to you. And don’t forget, what you put in is what you get out. Essentially, the more effort you put into a relationship, the more you get out of it. So do not shy away to ask for an apology if you have committed a mistake.
6. Do we try to find positives in the communication? Or do we end up clinging to the negatives?
The last question and the most important one, the things which give you pain and misery can also give you joy and happiness if you find just the right way to look at it. However, even in the worst of times, we can choose how to respond to the things that happen to us. We can make the choice to do what is necessary to dig ourselves out of the place we are now – reminding ourselves that in time, if we refuse to give up and stay in the game, our life will turn for the better and we will see the positive results we desire.
Sometimes we assume it’s clear, but do we say it clear?
Sometimes we want them to know, how? We don’t know!
Sometimes we don’t realize that sometimes, many ‘sometimes’ is quite a lot of time.
But is it so difficult to #UNPUG what’s not important?
At least sometimes?...
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