I remember it was a Wednesday, which was otherwise supposed to be a working day, but we were asked to stay at home due to the intrusion of tiny creatures all over the world. They said it was deadly and we have to take a break from our work routine. This was the only instance since my first faded memory till now, I realized that, there can be a sudden change in the priorities, which could be most important and severe than my today’s report submission, for which I was preparing for last 24 hour by continuously fighting with the needle of the clock. If kept uncompleted, would have made me incompetent at my workplace. How severe? actually not known!
Anyways my schedule for the day and for the coming days had come to standstill and I started to realise that adapting to an unplanned phase is sometimes not that easy, so casually to start with, I thought of cleaning the mess of my study table which wasn’t looked into for a very long time. Actually, it wasn’t a mess rather it was an unorganized dump of big and small stuffs which were kept after being used or maybe just to get rid out of some other place. This gave me a sense of feelings that how stuffs which are important for sometimes, are been neglected and kept aside after their purpose have been fulfilled. Sometimes people also claim that same thing happens with them too! Well we can discuss about this later someday.
So, I just put full stop to the random popped up thoughts, which I was getting looking at the lifeless objects on my table and I started to justify their existence by placing them on their deserve places. And to tell you what! I found that old photo which was stuck to the far side of the table which had slipped from my hand probably a year back and I momentarily convinced myself that I’ll definitely pick it up the next day but…!
It was the old photo of my childhood with natural sepia toning, and me grabbing the newly gifted bicycle from younger brother on his own birthday and that moment was frozen on a photo paper, that reminds me how troublesome, stubborn, dominating, jealous and aggressive child I was. Looking at it I was drifted in the past and started to flow with the memories which now seems very innocent but it was a struggle that time.
Growing up, like any other kid I lived in my dream world. I had big dreams. I wanted to be a teacher, an artist, a sports-women and sometimes also a successful business women. I really believed that I could achieve everything I dreamt and all at once. As a kid I loved playing around with my sister and my cousin. We would roam around the whole village and have the best time of our lives. I was always a very curious child. I had great curiosity for life.
During my school life, I realized studying was never my area of interest. I always wanted to run away from my studies. I loved playing and therefore was automatically inclined to sports. I enjoyed the playground more than my class room. In school I was introduced to a game called “KHO- KHO” and in no time I became so good at it that I was representing Goa along with my sister. This game brought a lot to explore along with it. I got a chance to visit places like Gujarat, Maharashtra and Madhya Pradesh. I had shifted all my attention into Sports, NCC, NSS and perhaps amidst all this I lost sight of my childhood dreams. I completed my schooling as a below average student, with a low self-esteem since I always scored less marks in school. It was only the playground that boosted my self-esteem.
Though, due to passage of time the intensity of these memories is faded and now it remained as turned pages of my life book. But even today when I try to wipe the dust of time from this pages I literally can feel the level of stress that I faced that time is not even an inch less than the level of stress that I go through when I currently handle any crucial task, the struggle to keep myself away from uncertainties was as strong as todays strive for stability. But if I give second thought than it seems that, whatever I experienced was not that difficult when I compare it to my present phase. And there is 99.9 percent chances that I will replicate this same thought even after ten years.
Today if I try to analyse the reason of my scuffle, it wasn’t actually the task but the ‘tug of war’ between my inner voice and the entire universe. The fight was difficult. My parents, family, relatives and all the people had their own proven philosophies of success which they wanted me to adopt blindly. I chose to listen to my inner voice.
After my high school I pursued Arts stream assuming I’ll have a lot of time for sports. Here I was introduced to Psychology subject and I always found it very interesting. My sister had always been my pillar and she motivated me to pursue my interest in Psychology. My sports, NCC camps to places and staying without my family gave me completely different perspective. Especially when I visited Jammu Kashmir for a camp. I realised there was a lot violence in the outside world, I myself was witness to youngsters pelting stones at our buses and expressing rage towards us. These adolescents were brainwashed. When I finally landed in Goa I was very happy to reach home safely after being shredded there for a month, by this time I had decided to transcend my life to its highest dimension. This is when I found the path of my life.
I started visiting counsellor of my college. It wasn’t always a positive experience with them. But they made me realise one thing, in life there are no mistakes, only lessons, opportunities to grow, learn and advance along the road of self-mastery. This profession created interest in me, and all these sessions gave me some invisible strength from struggles and taught that even pain can be a wonderful teacher. Gradually my focus started growing onto psychology and created a lot of curiosity in me for that subject. Eventually I scored well and I decided to pursue further studies in Psychology. My experiences were completely different and unique at post-graduation, struggling with submission deadlines, completing files, assignments, tests, practicums etc. I felt like giving up but didn’t.
After post-graduation, I was very excited about practice counselling, and as expected there were no jobs out there. But I wanted to maintain my positive outlook towards life. I never wanted to sit at home waiting for the job. I believed I had the capacity to choose my response to it. Having said that, my first job was at a school where I started to teach small kids from 1st to 4th std with very little remuneration.
And almost after 6 months, I started with my job as a counsellor in the year 2014 at DCT’s Dhempe College of Arts and Science. There I had to do orientation programmes for all the students initially and along with cases I had to conduct seminars for teachers as well as students. Finally, I was thrilled with this experience and soon next year was selected at Dhempo college of Commerce and Economics, Cujira. Both the places had different experience and I got different exposure. As the years passed by my contract in both the colleges got renewed every year. And to add to this, I worked for almost two year at V. M Salgaonkar College of Law and also at an NGO named CHILDLINE, a project run by the Central Government of India. Currently I run my own clinic at my residence in Corlim and due to pandemic I have made it online now.
In addition, I do keep myself physically and mentally fit by participating in marathons. I also serve as a social worker. The whole experience of counselling profession, helps me not just professionally but personally and spiritually as well. This profession has helped me rediscover my inner self. Going back to my childhood dreams I am a teacher, I’ve acted in dramas so an artist, I’ve started my own clinic so a business women, and of course not famous sports person but indeed a sports woman since I participate in marathons.
Jonas Salk said it best when he wrote: ‘I have had dreams and I have had nightmares. I overcame the nightmares because of my dreams.’
We all need is to dare to dust off our dreams and start to celebrate all of its wonders in the journey of our life.
Well, my study table looks clean now but I am very sure I’ll have to clean it back again!!